A Steel Magnolia with Something to Say

Remembering Owen Douglas Hornby

2011-04-19T17:18:00.002-04:00

Remembering OD

Today, we are remembering Owen Douglas Hornby. Who most of us in the family affectionately called OD I was fortunate enough to be brought into the Hornby clan by my very wise decision to marry, Michael, OD’s 2nd son. I wanted to say a few things about my father-in-law in celebration of his life.

OD was an extraordinary man-First and Foremost; he was a man of definitive faith. When I say definitive, I mean he got it…. He lived his faith, but also knew he did not have all the answers. He was humble enough to know that God was the one with the answers, and as such, was an unassuming, and ardent follower. In living his faith, he served this church without fault. From changing light bulbs in this very sanctuary, and solving the electrical problems of an aging church, and then in most recent years, serving in the office as Church School Secretary.

Following suit with his years of dedication to his church, OD was an Electrical Engineer by trade, and worked for his community at the local utility company, KUB, for 49 years. He could tell you about working up the ranks from working the lines to planning entire electrical grids for the city. If you were willing, OD would tell in great detail about how you got your lights, and it was during one of these conversations with him, that I realized just how brilliant he was…. Let’s just say if you planned on talking to OD about his career in detail, you really needed your own degree in engineering, and few thousand years of experience to get it. For me, I learned to utilize my vast listening skills, smiled, and remained in ignorant bliss, but I also am very proud that he thought I could understand any of it.

After faith and church, I have to say OD was an avid and unrelenting UT football fan with season tickets from the dinosaur age up until his legs would not carry him to the stadium. Yes, I believe even his wife, and boys knew they were in second when it came to UT football, but he made up for this unending allegiance to UT, by forcing/I mean including them in every game he attended. UT football is a Hornby Family Tradition, and I can say without reservation, OD, his boys, and grandchildren bleed Orange.

In conjunction with the Volunteer spirit, I will also always remember OD as a dedicated family man. Of course, for me, I think about him mostly as a grandfather, and I cannot put into words how committed he was to his grandchildren. Of course, this affection for his grandchildren was founded on the love for his wife, Gail, often expressing his luck in finding her as if in wonder of his good fortune, and also his deep love for his sons, John, Michael, and David. I will hear the echo of his frequent words,” I Love my 3 boys,” in my head for the rest of my days. But also when he was with his grandchildren, his love could not be questioned, because he would tell them how much he loved them, about 100 times every time he was with them. I remember fondly how he checked in with his boys asking about each member of their family, often using his endearing nicknames…. Like Lukiebo for his grandson Luke, DannyL for his grandson, Daniel, Sweetheart, for his granddaughter, Hailey, For his youngest grandson Adam-he was most likely to refer to him using his full name-Adam Alexander, almost in royal reference, as he thought his name was rather regal. In regard to his eldest grandson, David Lahn, Grandpa OD was one of his greatest fans, referring to him as his soccer boy.

If you sat down with OD long enough, it was easy to see how much he loved his family, and how invested he was in them, because he would and could tell you about each and everyone in detail. He could regale you with stories of grandson Luke learning to fly, and granddaughter Hailey dancing and performing. He never missed an opportunity to attend school, church and sporting activities of each and every grandchild. Because my son, David Lahn, lives here in Knoxville, OD had the opportunity to follow David’s soccer career. I can count on 1 hand how many times OD missed a game. In fact, despite being on unsteady feet of late, he has been attending David’s first year of High School soccer going to his last game just a few weeks ago. He was truly the proud patriarch of the Hornby Clan and the true definition of a loving, involved father and grandfather. This family has been so blessed to have him beside us, and leading us, and I will be forever grateful that God placed me in this family, and gave OD to my boys as their grandfather.

In closing, it should be said that it is evident by what I have shared that OD was an extraordinary man-a hardworking Christian family man. He also was a character…he could be opinionated, and stubborn. He could be blunt with his honesty, but on the other side, as I have shared, he was as warm as a teddy bear…Certainly, we will all miss his uniqueness, particularly all of his ODism’s which was OD’s own personal language from describing snow as the white misery, school as the House of Learning, the school bus as the yellow limousine, to his loving and again his endearing nicknames…like MikeyL for my Michael.

· For the family, and myself the days of vigil in the hospital were filled with questions, and uncertainty, and a looming anticipation of a great loss. OD knew me as a force to be reckoned with, and I knew the same about him, because of this, we always had a mutual respect, and admiration, and frankly, I think he got great delight in me behaving badly, on occasion. He also never stopped loving me, and he was this way with everyone. Again, for me, I will miss his growly, grumpy, goodness for all the rest of my days. So I pray this for this family of mine, I am feeling what my mother would say is a “gone” feeling...everything is not right with the world. Some things cannot be fixed by me, and that makes me mad. Some pain cannot be taken away by me, and that makes me sad. Some things we must put in God's hands, and for this I am glad! Here God..we are handing this over..Help us to remember Who is in charge and help us deal with this loss which is feeling very vast right now..Amen

Sometimes Living Just Sucks the Life Out of You

2010-07-12T13:05:00.006-04:00

Going through the motions of life can just be exhausting sometimes. I am going through one of those times of life. I have had times like this in life before, and I guess it is just part of who I am. My husband of 17 years attributes it to my tendency towards bouts of depression, and just offers support and gives me space, waiting for it to pass. Maybe he is right, but sometimes life just seems so Hum-Drum. I am not really depressed. I am just BORED.

Like right now-I need to go fix lunch for the boys, and do various housework. Now, tell me, does that make your heart go pitter pat, or do you feel any inspiration at all?

Well, I did it and I did get a "Thank you, Mama" for my youngest, and my oldest seemed to know how I was feeling and began to unload the dishwasher. This makes me remember all that I went through to have a family and be home with them. What is wrong with me? Why doesn't that fill me with all that I need to find the energy and joy in life? One thing is for certain-it is my husband and boys that keep me going, and my dear Aunt May, Cousin Betsy, and a few dear friends. And I guess I should give some credit to the Zoloft that I swallow everyday. Lord knows, it is what has given me the tolerance to manage a lot more crap than I normally would be able to put up with!

That song keeps popping into my head-"life never promised you a rose garden." I guess I need to face it. Life is Hard! There are some days that are better than others, but it is Hard, and it has been especially difficult for me for the last 6 years or so. Losing my mother, who was my constant source of unending support, and unconditional love, has been incredibly difficult. There is a void there that remains full of bottomless emptiness, and as she would say-"A Gone Feeling" that is, at times, overwhelming.

Of course, my siblings' response to this, which has resulted in my acceptance of who they are not and never will be, has also been heart-breaking. I basically have been orphaned-no ripped out of their lives, as if I am some evil monster or in their words, patronizing, controlling, ridculous, judgemental, and money-grubbing, not to mention, a bully, heiress, bitch.

Okay-so after reading what I have written thus far, I know what you are thinking-Geez, just go find the nearest bridge and jump 0r for God's sake find the nearest church and pray for guidance. Well, I am not going to jump-my faith journey took that option away a long time ago, and I am hoping that faith will help me to find what I am looking for.

However, I have a hunch that alot of us feel this way, but never verbalize it, because it just seems to boil down to feeling sorry for yourself.

I do admit while watching MTV Cribs yesterday, I did feel envy for these hip hop artists and their fancy cars, and humongous, hilltop houses, and I did feel sorry for myself. My teenage son came in my room and watched for a minute or two, barely able to squeeze his almost 6ft frame into the way too big parlor chair which I stuffed into my tiny little bedroom, already about to pop with the king-sized bed. Of course right at that moment, a dude was showing off his bedroom which had more square footage than our entire house. My son said-"Wow, don't you wish your bedroom was that big." I made some motherly comment about one's global footprint, the waste of space, and starving children in Africa-all the while, I was thinking "Hell yeah, I wish I had that space and all the money to go with it, maybe then I could get off my fat patootie, and do something constructive."

But I know and you know, that is not answer, so I am just going to keep on looking for it, and try not to waste too much more time feeling sorry for myself, and being bored with this life. It is what I make of it-at least that is what I have been told.

Today's Politics: What Happened to Civil Debate

2010-03-23T13:23:00.010-04:00

What do you think about today's politics? I have to say I am disheartened. I have always tried to make informed stands, based on my values and based on upholding the values of our founding fathers and democracy. However, in recent years, I feel like the democratic process has died. No more are there good healthy debates that evolve into solutions and it seems that government politics have became entwined in everyday life and in our jobs.

I have always been vocal with my congressmen and expected them to work for me and represent me in Washington. However, in recent years,when I have contacted my representatives, I have been patronized and then the blame game has started. I get alot of information about why I am wrong, and what I should believe, not viable solutions or help for my problems.

Now this is bad enough, but as a moderate democrat in a conservative, right-wing religious state, I should not be surprised. Okay, I give you that, but should I be afraid for my physical and property safety for simply stating what I believe in the United States of America. This is what upsets me the most. Recently, with the health care bill being passed, I have heard a lot about socialism. Well, I believe that it has arrived and not because of government regulation of health care, but because I have to suppress my beliefs for fear of harm. What happened to agreeing to disagree without being disagreeable.

My mother and I used to joke about having FBI files, because we would discuss our angst and anger about the direction of the country and at the time, how we disagreed with the republican right and George Bush,our president at the time. My mother at the time was fighting for her life having a metastasis of breast cancer and later as she got closer to death, she used to joke with me about upholding our so-called "FBI FILE." Soon, after she died, the presidential campaign was in full swing and I remember going to vote surrounded by many folks, who would have vandalized my car and yelled profanities at me, if they had known that I was casting my vote for our current president-Barak Obama. I carried her driver's license in my purse along with her voter's registration card. When I cast my ballot, I reached inside my purse and wrapped my hand around these cards and casted my single vote for both me and my mother.

Surrounded by many folks who would be incited by my beliefs, I walked out of the ballot booth with a smile on my face and joy in my secret, but sadness that I could not shout out my beliefs and celebrate my right to believe whatever I wanted. I got into my mother's car, which she left to me, and remembered having voted with her when I was a little girl, my little sticky fingers wrapped around her leg, and the smell of Chanel No.5 swirling around me. Mama would tell me why it was so important to vote, and about those in our family who fought for our right to vote and be free. A history that went all the way back to the american Revolution. I do remember one shadow on this otherwise stellar family history-There was that unfortunate ancestor who walked away from a battle field in the Civil War, because he got his baby toe shot off, but other than that, my Mama was clearly filled with pride for this Great Nation, this Free Nation.

My Dad, also came from a long family tradition of taking pride in our National and Louisiana home state Government. His grandfather,Samuel Alexander Ware, was good friends with Huey P. Long, a famous, or perhaps, infamous, Louisiana Governor at that time. My father told me stories of his grandfather, known to him as "PawJink," sitting on his front porch with a rifle and being able to make incredible shots off in the distance. As my father sat beside him, learning many lessons of life, he also remembers Governor Huey P. Long coming to visit, and the huge dust cloud that followed his entourage up the long dirt driveway onto his grandfather's farm. From what I understand this was during prohibition, and Governor Long may have been visiting my great-grandfather not just to "visit" as we say in the deep south, but to "wet his whistle" during this dry spell in our nation's history.

You see my father's side of the family has long been in the liquor business, and business continued no matter what. Perhaps, that is why they were always such staunch democrats, supporting the good old boy way of doing business and politics. They had their own code of honor, and admittedly, there were back-door deals, but they were fiercely loyal to one another, believed in helping the common man-even if it may have been only to secure a good pool of serving staff-and they were willing to fight for freedom, at whatever the cost. I am sure that this type of politics may have evolved into something more sinister due to greed, but in that day it was managed with one's pride, honor, and integrity.

It was also old school and I remember my grandfather, LeRoy Ware, who only had a 3rd grade education, but became a wealthy man living the American Dream, always talked about voting a straight ticket. It didn't matter to him what a politician said. He was going to vote for Democrats and Democrats only. I remember some heated debates between my father and my grandfather about just this thing, but I also remember that upon leaving everyone still loved one another and everyone was laughing and content with bellies full of fried chicken, ham cooked in Coca-Cola, and my Grandmother's famous Pound Cake, before we headed back home to the city.

I think people still had strong beliefs, but the debate remained civil, not divisive. Why? Because in the end, we were all Americans. We were United and we wanted freedom to prosper. The focus seemed to be on solutions, and not about becoming rich at somebody else's expense. Maybe it is because the economy is so bad, but it seemed that folk's during the depression era, still had compassion and they were connected by this thing called the United States of America. Now, it seems everyone is so "ME oriented" that they will throw anyone, even family, under the bus, rather than reach out a helping had to those in need. Do I have to be stupid because I am a democrat? Does this mean I am all about big government, and getting a free ride? I am sick and tired of being wrong, because I want everyone to have an equal opportunity to get ahead. I am also sick of having words put into my mouth and losing family and friends over politics. The worst thing of all is being told that I am not a good Christian, because I am not a republican. Last time I checked, Jesus Christ had not chosen a political party, and his "campaign message" was about LOVE and COMPASSION! So, let's try some civil debate, find some solutions, and agree to disagree without being disagreeable!

I am Listening-Are You?

2009-12-30T15:17:00.003-05:00

This is the Sermon The Very Reverend John Ross gave on Dec 27, 2009 at St. John's Episcopal Cathedral in Knoxville, TN. We are going to another church now, but I will always read the sermons and go for visits from time to time, because I give the clergy at St. John's a great deal of credit for leading me back to God. John's sermon says it all once again, and in this case, I think God is speaking through him and sending a message to my family. It seems so important this is my second post today on my blog.

Sermon by The Very Reverend John Ross, 12-27-2009

May the words of our mouths and the meditations
of our hearts be acceptable to You, O Lord,
our rock and our redeemer.

Hope you have had a wonderful Christmas.

I was reading a story told by Colleen Sell, a writer and editor. It was Christmas morning and her family was at her house - her extended family of cousins and siblings and kids and pets. The house was wild and busy all morning and now she had a moment to sit down, and she sat in a rocking chair in front of the Christmas tree. No sooner than she sat down, her 4-year-old, Christy, climbed up on her lap. Christy leaned against her Mom and as they looked at the tree in one of those great Christmas moments:

"Know what Mommie?"

"What sweetheart?"

"I love Christmas."

"I do too, sweetie."

"I wish we could have Christmas all the time - every single dingle day!"

"Well Christy, if we had Christmas every day, it wouldn't be as special. Besides, you little greedy goat, what would you do with all those presents?"

"Not presents, Mommie - Happiness!"

Isn't that what we hope for? Christmas joy and happiness - I hope you got some Christmas happiness this year

That is why we practice 12 days of Christmas - to remember that God has been with us - that is not a new story. For centuries the Jews knew that God was with them - in their lives - in their journeys and travels. When they were strong and when they were weak.

But now our story shifts to remind us that not only has God been with us, but also He is with us - every day.

God is with us.

Christmas is about this relationship.

Dr. Mickey Anders is an Ob-Gyn in Worcester, Massachusetts. Last year on Christmas Eve twins were born prematurely. They were tiny - two pounds each. One of the twins was doing fine, but the other was not - she was not thriving at all. Her heartbeat was rapid - she was, well anxious - or at least that is what she appeared to be.

Unbeknownst to Dr. Anders one of the nurses tried an experiment - something she had heard of from Africa. The twins were in separate bassinets, so she put the well twin in with her sister. The response was almost immediate - the twin's heart rate slowed and she began to sleep. The crisis was over and she would survive - and thrive.

Isn't that our story - that we, too, need companionship? Isn't that what Christmas can remind us? To pay attention to our relationships - nurture them - repair them - work on them - get together with those we miss - find those we've lost. Reconnect with those we love - find someone to love - someone to share God's agape love with.

Today we travel with the shepherds and go over and see this thing that God is doing - the thing God is doing in our lives. Dickens had it right - we are trying to learn to Christmas well in our hearts - not for just one day - but for 12 months - for 365 days!

I love all the Christmas movies and watch them every year. One of the best is The Bishop's Wife with David Niven as the Episcopal bishop. He is struggling with his faith - his life - his marriage - everything. God sends an angel - who is played by Cary Grant. The way the angel gets the Bishop's attention is to flirt with the Bishop's wife. And the Bishop's jealousy reminds him of how much he loves her - and that opens his heart to how much he loves his work and his ministry - and how he has lost hope and become cynical living by just going through the motions.

On Christmas Eve the Bishop is visiting his old parish and he is going to give them a dose of "what they need" - light a fire under the congregation, but instead he decides to preach another sermon - one that is written by the angel who has returned to heaven on Christmas Eve.

Here are his words.
"Tonight I want to tell you the story of an empty stocking. Once upon a midnight clear there was a child's cry, a blazing star hung over a stable and wise men came with birthday gifts. We celebrate it with stars on Christmas trees, with the sound of bells, and with gifts, but especially with gifts. You give me a book - I give you a tie.

All the stockings are filled, all that is, except one. And we have even forgotten to hang it up - the stocking for the child born in a manger. It's his birthday we're celebrating. Don't let us ever forget that.

Let us ask ourselves what He would wish for most. And then, let each put in his share, loving kindness, warm hearts, and a stretched out hand of tolerance. All the shinning gifts that make peace on earth."

Instead of thinking of what gifts we get - we might think of gifts that we can give - and who knows - we might become the gift that someone who is struggling needs this season.

Paul Davis is a Catholic Priest and he finished his last Christmas Eve mass in the city and caught the ferry home to Long Island. There was almost no one on the ferry except the young black man who was doing all the work. Tying up the boat - taking the tickets - Father Davis was standing on the fantail and looking back at the lights of the city and the young man walked past, "Isn't that beautiful?"

"Yeah I guess.""

The priest noticed the sound in his voice.

"Yeah the lights of the city are always so beautiful this time of year."

"Yeah I guess. It has been a long day though. Here it is almost 2:00 in the morning and I am still working - and there was this drunk guy earlier - he was bothering people and I was going to have him arrested, but I took him by the arm and got him off by himself and sat down with him. He called me names and all, but I realized it is Christmas and this guy was probably hurting and alone."

"That was a kind thing to do on Christmas."

"Yeah, I guess." He started to walk off.

Father Davis said, "Have a merry Christmas. By the way, what's your name?"

"Emmanuel."

Immanuel - God with us. Do you know that incarnation means
God made flesh, but the Greek implies more like in-fleshment.

So it is like God in your flesh.

The best gift we can give is ourselves.

So let's join the shepherds and go over and see this thing - God's love made flesh - God's love in flesh - and then see what He might do for you and me - what He might do with you and me.

Amen.

Vindictiveness: The Bane of All Relationships

2009-12-21T16:06:00.002-05:00

I had written and posted a post with this title, but as I re-read it today, I realized it did not really get across my message,so I deleted it. It was way too long-winded and did not incorporate what I have learned on my spiritual journey. It was laced with feelings of anger and regret, which often swirl around being targeted by someone's petty vindictiveness.

Now, I am not sure I have much more to say, as the title says it all. I will say that I have been written off by family and friends over seemingly very petty infractions,and my character was attacked rather than talking about the actions they disliked. Their vindictiveness and desire to hold a grudge is pathological in proportions. I don't even like to call them infractions, because after alot of soul searching, it is clear that I did nothing other than express some sadness about being avoided and scheduled out of their lives. I have been reflecting on this more lately, because Christmas is a family time, and I was really hoping for an apology and a re-connection.

I don't know why I set myself up time and again to be disappointed. My heart gets in the way of what my mind knows, and that is if someone holds a grudge, keeps score of everything you have ever done to displease them, and then waits for a vulnerable moment to pounce, you are dealing with someone who has some serious issues with anger. This is a textbook example of Passive Aggressivity at its finest, and I had forewarning in how they handled anger towards others, and even got caught up in their need to keep family fueds going. However, I never thought I would be targeted, because we have shared so much and have given so much to one another. But, sadly, I was wrong, and I will not make myself vulnerable again. I am hoping that God will move through them reminding them of the times we shared, and lead them back to me with a heartfelt apology. I have already offered mine, only to be told I was insincere, and because of that, and my unwillingness to set myself up for further heartbreak, I will wait and hope with all my heart that they will see how an apology leads to forgiveness, and ultimately healing.

So, pray with me that vindictiveness does not claim yet another relationship!

When is an Apology in Order?

2009-11-01T17:35:00.002-05:00

Recently, I went to a conference entitled, “Anger, Forgiveness, and the Healing Process,” presented by Robert Grant, Ph.D. I was strictly going for the hours to reinstate my social work license, but I must admit that the title did catch my eye due to issues in my own family of late, primarily as associated with the death of my mother. However, anger and forgiveness also seem to be in the forefront of my life more often than not, as I have made a commitment to living an authentic, spiritual, and meaningful life. But, I was lucky, this seminar turned out to be something really special, and really meaningful. I walked out praying and thanking God for once again bringing me to a person who spoke to my heart and led me closer to a clearer understanding of this journey that I am traveling.

When I embarked on this journey, I never realized how much folks work at living very superficial lives caught up in the mundane of life, and afraid of intimate, authentic, and real relationships. More importantly, they are deathly afraid of anger, conflict, and true emotions. Most of us paint on our “socially acceptable personas” and go through life in a robotic fashion, but if someone dares to call into question this persona and/or make he/she accountable for the Christianity espouse, suddenly they disappear and/or a case of the “How Dare You’s” comes spewing forth.

Well, I do dare you! I dare you to try to live a life that is aware, that is meaningful, and that requires accountability. For me, this authentic life includes trying to emulate the teachings of Jesus Christ to the best of my ability. But I warn you, if you make this choice, you will find yourself questioning a lot of things that you used to sweep under the rug. You will start to see the bubbles of denial that most people live in and how they try to hide behind this very fragile shield to avoid conflict, fear, and true meaning.

Well, the guy who did the seminar I was speaking about said that we are programmed to live this way, because talking about anger, fear and other true feelings makes you vulnerable, and it can get messy. Dr. Grant shared many a story about families that had deep dark secrets that no one ever spoke of despite the healing that could come from this, because of one thing-Shame. So, is shame the root of all of this denial, and avoidance? Do we really go through life worrying so much about others’ perceptions of us that we assume socially acceptable personas-“as-if personalities” if you will?

Well, if you call yourself a Christian, a follower of Jesus, then you better take a long hard look at yourself. Wasn’t Jesus all about following his beliefs no matter what other folks thought? Think about all the stories of Jesus coming across folks that were afraid and ashamed. He gave each and everyone of them acceptance, love, and compassion. It seems to me that Jesus was all about authentic relationships, and he did not seem afraid to speak His mind and call into question errors in ones thinking, beliefs and behavior. I also believe that when He did this, even with Judas, whom He knew would betray Him, he did so with compassion, love, and grace.

So, in my case, one of my biggest challenges in negotiating meaningful inter-personal relationships is the dealing with my anger, and that of another. I will be the first to admit that I have an awful temper, and my mouth often starts running before my mind and heart can catch up. Losing my mother to cancer has helped me find grace, and to stop and allow myself to be in the presence of God (“Be Still and Know that I am God”-Psalm 46:10) before I show my anger in a hurtful way. Her death has also helped me to realize that anger can be an opportunity for growth, understanding, and forgiveness. However, as the seminar leader warned, being honest with your feelings has a price. You will lose folks who cannot deal with your candor, because it makes them vulnerable, and accountable, and most folks are perfectly content living in their very safe cocoon of denial and avoidance, where they sit looking through rose-colored glasses at the world from a nice, safe distance.

Honestly, an authentic life is tough-it means dealing with your baggage, and coming clean with your secrets. It means telling folks about your shame, and showing your weakness. It means holding other’s accountable for their mistakes, by pointing out their misguided steps. Yikes, the last one can be a tough one-I am more than happy to open the book of my life and tell you about my stupid mistakes, but do I really have to tell other people when they are out of line? I’d rather go back to the safety net of denial-but are you being a true friend, a true Christian? This is where I turned to scripture for help. Here is what I found:

3 Be on your guard! If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. 4 And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, 'I repent,' you must forgive." Luke 17:3-4

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” Matthew 18:15

So really, you should confront another’s wrong doing, as long as, you are prepared to offer forgiveness, if they apologize and repent. If they don’t apologize or repent, it is then that you must walk away, because they have chosen not to walk in the way of the light. This where things get very sticky, because most folks who get confronted immediately become defensive and start pointing the finger back at you rather than owning responsibility for the offense, and offering an apology. These two steps then allow the relationship to be healed, because as scripture teaches, you must always meet an apology with forgiveness.

So where does this leave me and perhaps you? Apparently, when dealing with conflict, an apology is always in order and when you receive it, accept it with grace and forgiveness. Don’t meet a confrontation with defensiveness. Stop and pray! Remember God’s compassion and grace. I don’t know about you, but I need to think about all the people I should make amends to with either an apology and/or forgiveness. I will end with this scripture-

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20

Powerful Message About Being BUSY

2009-10-11T20:47:00.003-04:00

This video goes right along with what I was talking about in my previous post: Busy Being Busy And Other Ways to Avoid True Meaning.

It is just so easy to get sucked into being busy and forget what is important. How many weeks has it been since you talked to your extended family, and friends you promised never to lose touch with? Did you ever think a negative force might be at work? I never thought about it, but this message was powerful enough to make me remember how insidious Satan can be. Don't let your guard down!

All Creatures Great and Small.......

2009-10-02T12:15:00.012-04:00

I promised to share this video by Wendy Francisco called "GoD and DoG." It was inspired by her dog, Caspian. I have always had pets and they have always been an integral part of my life, and frankly, I have often thought that my animal friends have always been easier to deal with than people. It seems that they reflect the true spirit of their creator in providing unconditional love.

Our dog, D.D. -as seen in the pictures above-was named by my mother. We have named many of our family pets using initials. When I was a little girl, we had a crazy Yorkshire Terrier, who we named P.D. after my father, Paul Dean. When we rescued D.D., she had been called Sara, and it didn't seem to fit. My mother named all of us with "D" names, so she said, "Call her D.D." I asked her what it stood for and she chuckled and said, "Da Dawg," poking fun at our East Tennessee accent. We loved it and it has stuck and served as a wonderful reminder of my mother's wonderful sense of humor and also her love of animals.

Subsequently, we lost our cat of 17 years, affectionately known to us as Little Cat."

She had been with my husband and I, since we started dating, and we loved her dearly. The children had not really been able to enjoy her, as she was a geriatric cat and somewhat nervous around children. However, in her last months, she seemed to mellow and began to enjoy contact with the children. We even took these pictures for a science project for Daniel, who observed her behavior in response to bird sounds. She seemed to know she had an important job and was very animated in her "hunt" of our local birds. These pictures were taken just a few weeks before her kidney's failed.

I will always remember how Little Cat always seemed to know when I was down, and would jump into my lamp. She was ever present to dry my tears when my mother died, showering me with eskimo kisses. She always got into bed with Michael and I before we went to bed to say goodnight marking us, by rubbing her head against us, and also wanting us to share eskimo kisses.

When I took her to the vet to make her journey across the Rainbow Bridge, she seemed to know it was our last goodbye and snuggled in close to my neck, like she did when she was a baby. She was trying to comfort me ,yet again, and I felt her love stronger than ever, and through my tears, I was heartened by knowing that she would go to live with my mother and sister, as well as, all of my family's many furry friends that have crossed the Rainbow Bridge before her.

We have missed her very much, but had decided not to get another cat due to extended family with allergies. However, my kids absolutely LOVE their pets. In fact our son, Daniel, who is autistc, becomes so animated around animals that I really think it benefits his social and emotional health. He particularly loves cats, and so I believe another feline addition is in order.

So, here she is. We have decided to name her K.C. for "Kitty Cat." We thought that we would continue the tradition that my mother started, and I know that she is getting a chuckle out of my choice of names. We have to wait until she reaches at least 2lbs, so that she can be spayed before she comes to live with us. We expect her to come live with us in the middle of October and we are all so excited.

I hope that my allergic family will forgive us, but a life without pets just seems so empty to me. I find that I am lost without my little feline friends, and I do believe that animals reflect some of the most precious gifts of our Creator. I know many of best friends in the world have had fur, and I know that having pets has enriched my childrens' lives teaching them many of life's lessons, including responsibility, compassion, and unconditional love.

It is true that I find myself loving "all creatures great, and small." I have often said that animals seem to exhibit the true essence of God, and that is probably why we all seem to do so much better in our relationships with our pets. At least, I know this is true for me-Some days my creatures are my only comfort.

WORDS

2009-09-28T15:57:00.007-04:00

I created this slide show to accompany this song that was written and preformed by Wendy Francisco. She is an extraordinary woman and would be described by my good friend, Judy Harper, as a "wise, and Godly woman." I love her music and her love of animals. Check out her website: http://www.wendyfrancisco.com/WFMusic.html

You can download her music for free or buy her CD's. She also has a link to her blog. She not only writes music, but is an artist. She also owns a Ragdoll cattery known as "Crack O' Noon" Ragdoll Cattery. She has another popular tune that has made it big on YouTube called "GoD and DoG." This is about her unique relationship with her dog, a giant 3/4 Great Pyrenees, 1/4 Anatolian Shepherd cross named Caspian. I will post that video in the next few days.

But back to this song called "Words" which spoke to my heart and seems to go along quite will with my last two posts. Below are the lyrics:

Loose Lips Sink Ships, this is widely known. Be careful what you say, the ship you sink may be your own. We may fly or we may fail by the words that we set sail. Wings of life or webs of death dance upon our very breath. Place your hand on your letter. Steer your ship by what you utter. Your bed is made, you bread is buttered by blessings sung or curses muttered. Words can heal a wounded heart , ease a child and her fears apart. Bring hidden darkness into the light. Make what is wrong in a friendship right. Choose your words as you choose a jewel, a good word is like rocket fuel. Proclaim God's grace, evoke his power. Spread His Love in this needy hour. We may fly or we may fail by the words that we set sail. Wings of life or webs of death dance upon our very breath

These words say it all. Certainly, better than I could. I always try to use my words carefully these days. Unfortunely, words have been used against me in the most painful of ways, and I find that they continue to replay in my head. Some things are certainly better left unsaid! If you have allowed unkind words to flow without thought, cast your net and reel them back in. Your words define who you are, and when used as weapons certain casualties are left behind.

Sarcasm: A Window to My Soul

2009-09-14T12:44:00.003-04:00

I grew up as a fat child, with buck teeth, bad skin, and a terrible case of "I don't know where in the heck I fit ins." My sibling relationships intensified this already insecure foundation being nicknamed "Thunder Thighs, and Fang Face," by my older brother, as well as, being the middle child of 5-having an older brother, and an older sister, a younger sister, and a younger brother.

However, my mother was my biggest supporter, and never gave up on her little girl. She gave me the confidence to overcome some pretty big obstacles, not just feeling like an outcast. As I became older, I learned to have a sense of humor and often poked fun at myself to get other people to laugh with me rather than at me. I still do that today, and I think this sarcasm serves as a window to my soul, because underneath the dark humor, I am really telling you about a lingering insecurity from a childhood of never fitting in.

I have also surprisingly found out that sometimes folks don't realize that I am wallowing in my own self-pity, and sometimes they think I am poking fun at something profoundly serious. Even, that I am making light of something that involves them and therefore, they find it offensive.

For all of you out there (all 4) that read my blog and facebook comments, I can be sarcastic, but I rarely if ever use sarcasm to assassinate some one's character unless it is my own. Why-because I have been on the receiving end of that and felt like a nothing because of it. I have a self-deprecating sense of humor, because I am an idiot sometimes due to deep-seeded insecurity that often gets the best of me, and flies past my edit button straight through my mouth and/or my keyboard.

Of course, having said this, if you don't know me well enough to understand my sarcasm, and you misinterpret it and are still 'angry about it after I apologize, what in the heck am I supposed to do to fix it? So, as you read this-and you know who you are-don't kick me while I am down. If I have been reduced to self-deprecating sarcasm, I am already beating myself up and I don't need you to shatter the window to my soul. Oh yeah, and by the way, I have put shutters up and I feeling much better now that I am safe from the storm of ridicule, and accusation.
.

Busy Being Busy and Other Ways To Avoid True Meaning

2009-09-11T12:47:00.004-04:00

How many of us have a hidden agenda when we communicate with one another? Are you really saying what you mean? Do you mean what you say? See-it can all be so confusing, especially with email and/or the written word. You can say something that is just matter of fact, and someone thinks you are being sarcastic and patronizing.

But I really like email-why in light of what I just said? Because when you sit down face-to-face with someone, they tend to tell you what you want to hear and folks avoid saying what needs to be said. However, every attempt that I have made to deal with conflict via email/written word has backfired on me, but then when I deal with conflict period, I always seem to be left with nothing. I am beginning to think when things change in a relationship, you should just accept it and move on, because when you try to deal with it, all kinds of baggage from God knows where comes flying at you until you feel like you opened up an exploding suitcase of negative emotion.

I just will never understand, despite all my training and experience, how to have honest relationships with people. I used to be a passive agressive master of the mind f*ck, but I got sick of not being honest with my feelings and I got sick of playing the game. I started just letting folks know how I feel and adopted "a take-it-or-leave-it" attitude. However, in this fast-paced world of technology, and the pursuit of the almighty dollar, folks have learned to hide behind being busy and excuse themselves from meaningful relationships and by all means avoid serious self-reflection.

But you see, I know when it is all said and done, your relationships are all you have. So in my pursuit of happiness, I have entered on a spiritual journey that involves self-reflection and true accountability. The problem I am having is finding someone who is comfortable with me saying it like it is, showing my warts and all, and asking them to do the same. Most folks are just too busy being busy to slow down and have a moment of self-reflection, much less check on a friend with meaningful intent. You never know what kind of internal battle someone is fighting, so if a friend calls and says let's do lunch, remember there is a possibility they need to know someone in the world cares enough to make time for them.

Yes, this was inspired by my attempts to reconnect being rejected and not only that, but being told my feelings were meaningless. I knew in my heart things had changed even though my friend denied it, claiming just to be busy, but could being busy be a new way to avoid someone you really don't want to deal with? In my case, I think so, and I also think that I have asked too much of one more person in this very busy world and in this case, I am more than sorry-I am deeply hurt. My problem now is to accept that before trying to deal with this, the relationship was already in ruins, and that my dealing with it didn't necessarily change things. So I am back to the original dilemma, do you confront issues in relationships or do you just suffer in silence? It all leads me back to prayer, and prayer to God, so I guess not all is lost, my mind maybe, but not hope for something real and good. Also not lost are the beautiful memories of times when we were not so busy, and of course, the love that I have for my friend.

A Old Hillbilly Farmer's Advice

2009-07-07T14:02:00.003-04:00

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you..

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge..
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
*Life is good. Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

Who do you really KNOW?

2009-07-03T16:31:00.003-04:00

" Isn't it interesting how we think we know so much about other people. We think we know so much of what others are inside, but we really don't."-- The Very Reverend John Ross, St. John's Episcopal Cathedral, Knoxville,TN.

This came from a John's sermon on 6/21/09-No truer words have ever been said and Lord, does this carry some kind of meaning in my life right now! I can't take anymore drama, so I won't elaborate.

Family Matters

2009-05-17T13:21:00.003-04:00

I have spent the last week pondering family and relationship issues. My focus has been on a family member who is going through alot of soul searching and life changes. In her journey, she has been confronted not only with a current relationship problem, but also with issues from her past and with her family of origin.

I am reminded just how powerful our childhood family relationships are and how diffucult they are to negotiate as an adult. I have come to believe that these relationships are often defined by the misperceptions of childhood, sibling rivalary, and the focused failures of growing up. How do we ever escape the mistakes of our youth with our siblings forcing us back in time with every current problem in our paths? Why is it so important for our family of origin to keep defining us by our pasts, our childhood weaknesses, and not our current realities?

I know in my family it seemingly had to do with some dysfunctional need to be at the top of the pecking order. We all vied for my father's love and approval simply, because it was so hard to come by, and because he was so distant and removed. Now, of course, it is clear that this desire was so misguided and that none of us could get what could not be gotten. Not only that, there was no victory in getting his approval, just an empty, short-lived recognition along with the plight of trying yet again to reach for something that was nearly impossible in the first place.

In a nutshell, our father is not capable of giving any of us what we want or need from a father. Thank God, I have accepted this and have a relationship with my father based on what he can provide. However, this competition for parental approval and acceptance still remains ever-present in my family. This I will never understand....especially now that we all know there was never anything to gain from this battle, yet we still hold onto the bitterness and the false belief that we are still these desperately driven little children.

Is there any way to get family to let go of the past and move on to the present or are we doomed to always see our brothers and sisters through the eyes of a jealous and competitive 3 year old? For me, it has taken a spiritual awakening and a decision to give radical grace, but even so, I am unable to have a relationship with my siblings, because they remain so caught up in their perceptions of the past that I feel like I am being pulled into the vortex of a very painful childhood past. I have come to a realization that with my family I have been defined in such a way that prevents them from ever seeing me in a true light. I love them and pray from them, but accept this as a confusing, but harsh reality.

So, why do I keep asking the same question in 20 different ways? I guess it is because I desperately wish it to be different. I wish my family could see how powerful it could be to let go of the past and be supportive of one another in a way we were incapable of as children-to give each other radical grace. I know this can happen-I had this with my older sister, and my mother. My mother had this with her sister. I have it with my aunt, and with my cousins. However, I also know the pain that can come from trying to make this happen when those involved are not ready, still stuck in the past, and/or when it is just not meant to be. Either way-Radical Grace, Radical Forgiveness, and Radical Integrity are in order.

Keeping the Faith

2009-05-07T16:08:00.003-04:00

Have you ever felt like you just can't catch a break and life has just become a battle you have to fight everyday? I know we all do, but these are the times that I have trouble keeping my faith. So strange, because it is the exact time that you need your faith to be your backbone.

When my faith starts to falter during these times, I check myself, because I know it is my ego blinding my vision. When you go with your ego, it will take you right down a dark path and invite you on a path of pity, self-loathing, anger, and blame. It also takes you away from the light of faith, and the sweet peace you can only get by embracing God the Father.

Seems like a simple choice when you put it that way-right? Nope, Ego is powerful. So, what brought me to this pondering? Well, for the second time this year, my husband has been laid off from his job. The first time was terrifying, because he really worked for some devious folks. They portrayed themselves as Christians, but when they decided to outsource his job after 90% of the work had been done, they also decided it would be in their best interest to "fire" him, so that they could get out of paying unemployment. Talk about having a hard time finding our faith and living it. I mean what we really wanted to do was bodily damage or worse. Of course, we were scared to death for our kids. We had been living paycheck to paycheck for the last five years due to some medical bills-a whole other story that I will share some other time.

Our community, my father, my aunt, and our church came through for us and we were able to find our faith, but ego fought us every step of the way. Ultimately, my husband got a 6 months to hire contract after scoring off the charts on technical tests, given by the recruiters we were using. This helped, because it restored his faith in himself, which the jerks from the last place had robbed him of! We thought all was going well, and then this company got hit by some financial woes, so as of June 1, he will be out of a job again.

Luckily, he is a computer analyst and there are jobs out there, but even more important, I have been able to grasp my faith right off the bat. I am not panicked like I was last time. I truely believe that God will provide. If we tell Him we are lost and give Him our faith, HE WILL PROVIDE. HE WILL SHOW US THE WAY. My husband is having a little more trouble, but that is because he is the sole breadwinner for this family, and because his ego has been wounded , yet again. I keep leading him back to his faith, when Ego rears its ugly head, and then he is re-booted to his faith by reading the Bible. God is Good-Ego is Bad-A new mantra for me-try it on, it might help you, too.

Update-Hear Me Roar for Daniel

2009-05-07T15:53:00.005-04:00

Well, I did go to the meeting for my son at the middle school. No surprises-they only conducted a tour and had no intention of discussing his Educational Plan for the upcoming year. It seems they were satisified with the plan that came over with the elementary school. This is a good example of how unprofessional and unprepared Knox county is to deal with our children with special education needs. How can an elementary school plan work in middle school?!

Of course, I was not satisfied with this and refused to leave before talking to a principal. Sadly, he took an attitude with me that I am sure works for most parents, but I am not most parents. I told him that I had already contacted my federal congressman, and federal senators. I indicated that I had requested a congressional review. He said that was fine, but it did not change anything in terms of availability for an IEP meeting and they would not be able to meet with me until the school year restarted in August 2009. I went along with this as he assured me this would be before Daniel started school.

However, when I got home I raised the roof off the state capital building in Nashville, and had received a response from Congressman Duncan. I have since talked with State Senator Jamie Woodson, who also happens to be the Speaker of the House of our State Senate. Both she and Congressman Duncan have already started making phone calls and intervening on the federal and state levels, respectively. I also contacted the powers that be in the County office, and I have been scheduled a meeting for next week. This meeting should be interesting. Wish me luck and pray for my sweet boy, Daniel. If you hear a roar from Knoxville on Wednesday, you will know where it is coming from!

Being Daniel's Voice

2009-04-29T15:07:00.017-04:00

"We must build a world free of unnecessary barriers, stereotypes, and discrimination.... policies must be developed, attitudes must be shaped, and buildings and organizations must be designed to ensure that everyone has a chance to get the education they need and live independently as full citizens in their communities."
-- Barack Obama, April 11, 2008

So, tomorrow I go into battle-I must be my son Daniel's voice. He is on the Autism Spectrum and we are going to his Middle School Bump Up meeting. I am going with the above words of our President in my mind. Below I have copied the letters that I have sent my Congressmen. It sums up the battle that I have been on for the last 5 years, since my son was diagnosed.

I will start by expressing my appreciation for your hard work on behalf of this great state and country. I hope that you will add the issue of special education to your list of priorities. It is this personal issue that I would like to address with you.

I have 3 wonderful sons-my middle son is on the autism spectrum. I am very fortunate that he was diagnosed at a young age and received special education certification through IDEA. Daniel has struggled with academics since beginning school. His elementary school has tried to meet his needs, but they seem to be overwhelmed by the needs and demands of the community. We are convinced that there seems to be problems on the county level and the management of federal funding for children with special education needs. Daniel should benefit from the "No child left Behind" legislation. However, he has been left behind by the Knox County School System.

I chose to become a full-time mother when Daniel was diagnosed, but I have a master's degree in Clinical Social Work from the University of TN, Knoxville. I served Knox county for several years before I retired to care for my children. I was licensed in TN, as well as, Louisiana and practiced for almost 20 years. It is because of my knowledge and training that I know Daniel's needs are not being met. I have been diligent about getting Daniel's educational needs met, but we are approaching a huge transition-

Daniel will be entering middle school next year. Our middle school is not in our community and Daniel will have to ride the bus almost 12 miles to and from school. The transition is hard enough, but this school is an inner city school, and Daniel has been in a rural elementary school, which definitely complicates things further for a child with social adaptation deficits.

It is my understanding that it is their practice at the middle school to place special ed students in CDC class rather than mainstream students. Daniel is higher functioning, but will need support. In other counties, a child with Daniel's difficulties would be eligible to have a "shadow teacher" in the regular classroom affording him the necessary exposure to an average middle school experience. Anything less will not prepare him for becoming an independent, productive adult. I know they have such teacher's aides in the Nashville area, and my aunt is a special ed teacher in North Carolina, and they have such aides known as "Peer Professionals."

Daniel had such a teacher last year. However, she was a teaching intern from the University of TN. He was able to function very well with her support in the regular classroom. The University has since moved their internship program to Roane County and I am told there is no funding for such aides in our county. I also know that my son has a right to an education that will meet his needs.

I have an IEP meeting tomorrow with the Middle School in regards to my son's transition to their school. I am hoping to have your support in getting Daniel what he needs should I run into difficulties with the Middle school. I believe that there should be a Congressional review in regards to how Knox County spends their Federal funds, because they are not offering the most basic academic needs of our special needs kids.

Although this is certainly a personal issue for me and my family, I cannot help but wonder about other children who have similar needs that are being left behind. I know many of the parents of special education students in Knox county do not have the education or understanding of how to deal with these bureaucratic obstacles in our county. Frankly, without my training and the support of my family (my father is the Chair of Psychiatry at LSU Medical Center, Shreveport and my aunt is a special education teacher), I would not have the knowledge to know how to deal with this. I can only hope that my federal representatives will help me get what is due my child and every other autistic child-I have to be my son’s voice-he literally does not have the words or ability to express what he needs.

Thank you for your consideration of this matter. I look forward to hearing from you.

So, there it is-if anyone comes across this, write your representatives, write the White House. Daniel needs your help. Granted I have a very loud voice, but I want to make a ROAR!

Re-Birth-Turning 44

2009-04-16T19:28:00.007-04:00

This past Monday was my 44th birthday. It was the first birthday I have ever celebrated without my mother. I am sure she was celebrating with my sister and grandparents in the heavenly kingdom, but alas, it was very hard not to hear her voice this day.

I have wonderful family and friends who support me and love me. They all have been ever-present in my life. One such friend I have called my sister since I was a mere 3 years old. How she came into my life can only be explained by God and by the love of my mother, which we both shared. She sent me this devotional not long ago-We have discovered a newfound spiritual connection.

I want to share this with everyone. I kept it knowing it would be meaningful for me again on this birthday. Not because my mother failed me. She did not, but she is no longer with me on this earthly plane and as such she has given me yet another gift- I have experienced a re-birth of my faith. I have embraced the only Perfect Parent-God, the Father. Through Him all things are possible.

Thanks, Judy-you helped me remember that there is light even in the dark.

THE NEED FOR ANOTHER BIRTH

Do not marvel that I said until you, 'You must be born again.' John 3:7

It's touching what new parents do to establish a relationship with their newborn baby. Mothers talk and sing to their children while still in the womb. They introduce them to music, to soft sounds and cooing, in order to acquaint them with what Mama's voice sounds like. Once born, mothers and fathers tearfully introduce themselves to their baby. Many birthing rooms in hospitals have recorded the same kinds of messages. "Hi sweetheart. I'm your mom, I'm your dad." Oh, what we do instinctively to make a connection.

The child's future, and how well he flourishes in his world, will depend on the quality of the relationship his parents make with him. Mom and Dad will be instrumental to give him a view of himself, to teach him how the world works and how he fits into it, and to communicate the boundaries of his life so that he lives with others respectfully. If there is a poor parental environment, that child will grow up with a distorted sense of himself, who authority figures are, and how God fits into his life. He might even be dangerous to other people, not able to make relationships that are positive and healthy.

Because every human being is flawed, every childhood suffers, even the ones that look almost picture perfect. God is the only perfect Father and He also went to great lengths to establish a connection with us. He offered up the life His only Son. Jesus died and made it possible for us to find our way home to Father God. Once I accepted God's invitation for salvation, a new parenting relationship began. I am being 'reparented' by the One who is constantly reaching out to make me aware of His presence. He re-instructs me in the ways I received distorted messages from my first set of parents. Wherever there was error, He corrects my beliefs and sets me on a course that has a firm foundation. Why study the Bible? It is a life-line to my Father and the way He speaks to me.

Jesus' difficult message to someone as educated and prestigious as Nicodemus must have been a stumbling block to him. None of us are quick to recognize where our earthly parents were human so that we can recognize the beauty and necessity of a second birth. We need God to grace us with the eyes to see Him for who He is and to recognize our need for Him.

Those of us with adult children can enumerate our failures as parents. We know, most likely, where we gave them distorted messages. Pain was the result. What is the cure? We can certainly ask them for forgiveness but ultimately, they need a relationship with a new Father in order to thrive. Forgiveness is not enough because it does not heal much. Our prayers need to be centered on strengthening their God-connection so that God can heal whatever they suffered because of life at our hands and the hands of others. He is the healer of parents and the healer of their children.

I'm so grateful for all the ways You are raising all of us, still. You are the Abba Daddy of our family and we have life today because we came to You for a second birth. In Jesus' name, Amen

Christine Wyrtzen Daughters of Promise

One Door Closes..Another Opens

2009-04-09T15:59:00.002-04:00

Revelations 3:8

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! '

The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor. If you believe, open your eyes to opportunity. If you don't believe, then you life will be static.

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close. If you need God to open, some doors for you-open your heart to His Presence. Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing.

Striving For This Way of Life

2009-03-21T13:22:00.003-04:00

I am really lucky to have extraordinary clergy at my church. I am always inspired by every sermon. How many people can say that? I am not always good about going to church, but I always take advantage of either watching the sermon via community television, by podcast, or reading the sermon sent via email.

I was reading the sermon from March 8, 2009 as I had been out of town. This is that sermon by The Reverend Canon Thom Rasnick. Thom is an extraordinary fellow, but I am certain he does not have a clue just how much he inspires folks. He is a very curious, humble, funny, and thought-provoking family man. He is passionate about his spirituality and the journey it takes him on, but even more so where it takes others. His sermons never fail to disappoint and I think this one is a good example.

St. John's Episcopal Cathedral

Knoxville, TN

Sermon by The Reverend Canon Thom Rasnick

March 8, 2009

Have you heard about the two churches that used their signs as a debate? This is what the signs read: All Dogs Go To Heaven. Dogs Don't Go To Heaven - Read the Bible. God loves all his creation, dogs included. Dogs don't have souls; this is not open for debate. Our dogs go to heaven - your dogs can talk to their pastor. Converting to your Christianity does not magically grant your dog a soul. Free dog souls with conversion. Dogs are animals - there aren't any rocks in heaven either. All rocks go to heaven. Which is your church?

All churches have their own belief systems. Some tend to focus on the negative - like sin, punishment, and hell while others are more positive - love, forgiveness, relationships. Within churches sit people - people like you. And each one of us tends to focus on our own individual beliefs - what we believe about God, Jesus, life, death, etc. Each one of us is in a different place and that is good. Some day I'd love to hear what each one of you thinks about all this. As for me, we just read a central part of what our religion is all about. "If any of you want to become my followers, then you must deny yourself and take up your cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, will find it." Jesus' call to all who follow is a call to a personal transformation. Jesus' call is not for us to repress our legitimate needs and desires. It is a call to lose our small sense of self so that a greater self can be born - a self with the mysterious power we call God at the center of life. For most of us, this call is a process more than a one-time event. It is a process that moves us more deeply into a relationship with the spirit.

It has taken me all my life to see our religion this way, even though my life has always been tied to religion. I grew up in the church with a father as priest and a family whose life was centered around the life of the church. For me, as a child, our religion was a warm, friendly, caring place, and God was the same. I felt happy and safe in Christianity. In adolescence I realized that my Christianity expected me to be an angel - being Christian meant I was to be a nice, sweet, harmless boy. All that was fine as a child, but it didn't work well in middle school. Often being nice and sweet just got me hurt. Meanwhile, our culture is telling me I can have whatever I want and be whomever I want. Just build an image, because image is everything. So, I built an image and it was not the nice Christian boy. Truth is, I liked my new image better - I was cool! Yet years passed and my image began to feel empty to me. How long can anyone live out of a false image? So I embraced a new image - one that I found in Christianity. I am a fallen sinner - which I took to mean that I am not good enough. As you can imagine, living as "not good enough" doesn't work - it is a lonely, isolated feeling. So I began the search to find my life. The search lead me to Native American spirituality, Jungian Dream Work, and a larger part of our Christian tradition - the part outside of "just be a nice boy" or "you are a fallen sinner;" the part of the tradition that reminds me that Christianity is primarily about people - all people - you and me - living life well in a relationship and in connection to all that is - seen and unseen (so that we can lose our small life and find our greater life). This is why the saying, "If you lose your life for my sake, you will find your life" is so important to me. For me, it's not simply a nice thought - it is a way of life. A way of life that leads to a life that is truly good. Amen

The Lotus Touts

2009-03-06T15:59:00.005-05:00

I got this from my sister-in-law in an email. It gave credit to Tony Robbins, but upon further research, I found it actually did not originate from him. I could not find where it came from. It is listed on many blogs. Lotus Touts actually means "good luck." The list has been described as "Basic Life Rules" and "Happy Relationship Rules." Anyway, I really liked it and thought it was worthy a ponder-Here is the list:

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN! .. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

Good Lord-I Haven't Blogged in a Month!

2009-02-24T15:48:00.003-05:00

Life has just been overwhelming or underwhelming depending on how you look at it. Do you ever just get caught up in the mundane of it all? I feel like I have been sitting on the curb of the world waiting to be picked up, but at the same time being terrified by who might drive by and offer me a ride. There is a song in that line-probably a country song-but a song none-the-less.

Anyhow, my family of origin issues continue to haunt me, as we continue to deal with issues regarding my mother's estate. I am convinced that death and money can bring out the very worst in folks, or perhaps it brings out who they truely are. A close second is planning a wedding, which was also such a nightmare for my family, that my husband and I ran away to Jamaica to get married, but I digress.

I have finally written my crazy sister off. The straw that broke the camel's back was when my father called and offered free psychological testing for my two autistic sons. He started to espress how sorry he was that my youngest was having similar problems, but I stopped him. I told him I did not know where he got his information, but that my youngest was doing fine. He was flabbergasted and would not tell me the source of his information. I could not get off the phone fast enough, before I started dialing siblings.

My sane brother did not answer and still has not returned my phone call, because he has decided to be the absent sibling to avoid dealing with any "mess" associated with Mama's estate(ie-sibling bickering, back-biting and/or bitching).

I didn't even dial my sister, because I knew I would blow my chance at getting to heaven if I spoke to her.

I did get in touch with my oldest brother, who pleaded the 5th, but encouraged me to make use of whatever freebies Daddy dearest had to offer (he hates our father). He also encouraged me to just let it go, because there had already been so much hurt. Yada yada! He then went on for two hours on his latest personal issue, which he was connecting to some distant childhood emotional trauma that he and his therapist had concocted. He is fifty years old and still blaming his childhood on all of his inadequacies, while stupidly paying someone $150.00 an hour to avoid acceptance and moving on with his life.

My goodness how old do you have to get before you take responsibility for your own stupidity, quit blaming your parents or that 4th grade teacher who humiliated you in class and make something of your life. After this ear-numbing psychobabble, I finally got off the phone thinking I should send him a bill for services rendered. Lord knows, he was way more boring than most of my paying clients in my counseling days.

After simmering, I called my sweet aunt(my mother's sister), who has adopted me and has been my rock since Mama died. She said it was my sister who had spread this rumor. Apparently, my sister approached my aunt about this when my aunt had been caring for my mother during her last days. Even then, my aunt knew there was trouble brewing in this cauldron of evil lies, and she told my sister that it was untrue-that she had been around him and he was fine. However, my sister recently had dinner with my father and took it upon herself to stir the stew.

Once I knew the origin of it all, it was clear to me that there could be no motivation, but to cause me pain. Of course, when I became pregnant with my youngest, I was worried to death about the possibility of him being autistic, probably overly concerned, because we are pretty sure our middle son developed this as a result of viral meningitis as a baby. So, for her to talk about this, not once expressing a concern to me, I knew she and I could be sisters no more.

She has crossed me numerous times and I have always dealt with it, but now she was attacking my child, who by the way, is the most glorious, smart, curious, loving little creature I have ever known. Also, she has maybe spent about 10 minutes with him in his whole life, so could not with any knowledge make such a determination.

So, I wrote the most incredible letter which also included a birthday card, as it was her 39th birthday. My parting gift was a Bible with verses highlighted that she needed to read. I did not spew forth the anger I had felt, because prayer had brought me to a better place. She has never shown any interest in faith and in fact, always blames God for her problems or seemingly me. It seemed fitting to invite her on a new path, rather than the one where she feels so compelled to malign everyone in her presence. If anyone ever needed to find Jesus Christ, it is my sister! Amen!

Nothing good seems to come out our relationship and despite my efforts, I am always misunderstood by her, and defined in a manner that is not only false, but without provocation. In her eyes, I have never been good enough and although I may have understanding of why she carries such malice against me, I am no longer willing to be a part of such a negative relationship. So, I told her I thought it was in our best interests to sever the ties that bind us, and any further family business should be conducted through legal counsel.

How sad, and it was very hard to come to this decision, but there are some folks that you just have to walk away from-trying to love them only ends up in you feeling like you have failed them and yourself. So, the profound turns of my life have consumed me of late, and I allowed myself to just go through the motions of life, because anything more has just been too hard. But alas, putting fingers to the keyboard and finding words to express what has been unexpressed is perhaps my means of moving on. I refuse to blame anyone, but myself, but I am also convinced you are where you are in your life, because that is where God intends you to be.

Stress

2009-01-30T14:11:00.003-05:00

I am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate. The picture to the right has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical Center in Burlington Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress will find many differences between the two dolphins . The more differences a person finds, the more stress that person is experiencing. Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may need to take a vacation.

I don't know about you but I am in serious need of a vacation!
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out of it alive anyway

Proud to be Married to a 2nd Generation American

2009-01-27T09:18:00.002-05:00

My husband is a second generation American. His grandparents came over from Denmark, and his Grandfather was an extraorindary engineer hired by TVA.

Below is a memoir-I have taken off his last name-just as a precaution, because you never know who might be reading your blog. He left a wonderful legacy to his namesake, my son, David Lahn.

H*****, Paul Lahn; ASCE Fellow
(1898-1987)Transactions of the American Society of Civil Engineers 1987,

Memoir

Abstract:
Paul Lahn H***** died on August 5, 1987, in Knoxville, Tennessee. The son of Carl and Pauline Nielsen H***** was born on January 22, 1898, in Odense, Denmark. In 1919 he graduated from the Horsens Teknikum Technical University as a civil engineer. After graduation, he was employed by the government of Denmark in the maintenance and inspection of waterway locks throughout the country. From 1922 to 1923 he was in the engineering corps of the Danish army. After being discharged from the Danish army, he emigrated to the United States in October 1923. From 1923 to 1936 he was employed by the Electric Bond and Share Company in New York as a civil engineer. During this period he spent a year, January 1928 to December 1928, on loan to the Carolina Power and Light Company for work on the Waterville Dam in North Carolina. He also worked on an arch dam in Montana. He was employed by the Tennessee Valley Authority in 1936. From 1936 through 1951 his work at TVA involved structural measurements, dam instrumentation, and uplift deflections. Particularly, he worked with structural behavior measurements at Norris, Hiwassee, and Fontana Dams. Early in this period, he had been concerned with possible earthquakes at Kentucky Dam and prepared a lengthy paper on his studies. After 1951 until retirement in 1963, he worked with the civil design of dams with particular emphasis on instrumentation. He performed some of the pioneer work that has evolved into TVA’s present day dam safety inspection program.

He was naturalized in August 1932 and became a registered professional engineer in New York State in 1935. He joined ASCE as an Associate Member in 1926, became a member in 1959. He was awarded Life Member status in 1961. He was a member of the Methodist Church.

On April 27, 1929, he was married to Magda J***** in Islip, Long Island, New York.

He is survived by his wife; a daughter, Miss Betty Ann H*****; a son, Owen H*****; and three grandsons, all of Knoxville. There are two brothers in Denmark and two sisters in the United States.
(Memoir prepared by J. B. Perry, Member, ASCE.)

Five Things A Christian Should Never Do

2009-01-15T21:28:00.004-05:00

This post was inspired by two very different blog posts that I read. One is written by a rather well-known Christian Church leader, Perry Noble Of Newspring Church in South Carolina. It was entitled Five Things You Should Never Hear from a Staff Member. He has a rather refreshing approach to ministry that some deem as radical, and liberal. Some even go so far as to judge his means of bringing Christ’s message to others. As I try not to judge others, especially those who are trying to live their faith, I find some value in what he has to say and how he says it.

Ironically, I got to Perry Noble’s website by the second blogger. This guy often reads Perry Noble’s blogs and then proceeds to pervert them. He entitled his post-Five Things I Never Want. He put his spin on them, if you will. I actually read this blog out of spite and I admit it. I don’t like anything about this dude, but I think you can learn a whole bunch about yourself by trying to learn from an enemy. You can also learn to avoid and protect yourself from folks like him, who hide behind their rationalizations, which are often hidden in scripture used out of context.

So here is my take-Five things a Christian should never do.
1. Professing to be a Christian, but not really putting effort into living like Christ. We all know this person. They may go to church every weekend, and even have a good mastery of scripture, but when it comes to the day-to-day interactions with others, they just don’t get it-there is just no passion behind their faith. It is more about following a rule book, rather than trying to emulate Christ.
2. Forgetting to walk in your brother’s/sister’s shoes, so that you might truly understand and extend acceptance, even when you don’t understand. When confronted with a difficult interpersonal situation, you fail to remember to offer acceptance, even when you are aggravated and/or just don’t get it. We should actually take the time to get enough information to really try to get inside someone else’s head. Most folks are not trying to be aggravating or problematic, they just want some support and consideration. I often ask the question-”What is that you think I can do for you? If I can help you, I will do what I can.”
3. Constantly sitting in judgment of others and in that judgment, assuming that the one you are judging is wrong. Okay, this is a touchy one for me. Have you ever been told by another self-proclaimed Christian that you wouldn’t be having so much trouble if you just prayed hard enough and/or loved Jesus enough? I know first-hand of a well-meaning Christian who told a fellow church member not to take their psychotropic medication, because she believed prayer would cure whatever they were suffering from. This individual suffered from bipolar disorder, which is neurobiological in nature and only treatable with medication. Certainly, prayer would help, but this person took the advice to heart, believing that if she prayed more, she would be healed without having to take her medicine that had numerous side effects. Subsequently, while praying her heart out, she quit taking her medication. Sadly, she went on to becoming suicidal, despite her prayer and ultimately, she took her own life. Now, it would not surprise me if someone out there is still thinking she must not have had a pure heart and that prayer can lead to healing. I would agree with prayer leading to healing, but I truly believe God wants us to use all His instruments including doctors, and medicine. I don’t think I can pray away my Type 2 diabetes, but I do pray for a cure and for God to give me strength to deal with the management of my disease. I could go on and on about this, but the bottom line is that judging is God’s job, not ours!
4. Overlooking another’s need for grace and support by believing they are insecure and/ or lazy. Okay, we have all been there-we are busy and someone we know is wanting to talk about their problem of the day. It could just be a person that for whatever reason pushes your buttons. Don’t assume this person is trying to be the bane of your existence. Maybe, just maybe, they have been placed in your life to teach you something or for you to offer them Grace. I have learned that when you offer Grace in the face of frustration, you just might make a radical difference in someone’s life, including your own.
5. Thinking you have all the answers, and know exactly what God wants. I have talked about this before-if you think you have all the answers, then you better take a good, hard look at yourself. God is Other, Beyond Vast, Beyond Understanding-Don’t harbor any false illusion that you can know All-There is a time and place for that and it is not here on Earth. Accept that Humility is one thing God really wants us to get while we are here. He wants us to be AWE-INSPIRED, not all-knowing. ALL KNOWING IS HIS JOB!

Okay, so I will kindly step-off my soap-box. Clearly, I have ventured somewhere that my inspiration never intended, but this is where my passion for understanding my faith journey takes me-Wow-God is Good!

1919 Poster

2009-01-14T20:54:00.004-05:00

If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition) and came upon the following poster ...

I Mean Seriously, would you Quit Drinking?

Bambi and Thumper

2009-01-11T19:23:00.008-05:00

Yes, love out of the box does exist.

May you always have love to share, health to spare, and friends that care.

The photographer, Tanja Askani, proves it with these heart-warming pictures.

1-800-Heaven, Ext. My Mama

2009-01-04T13:24:00.004-05:00

I don't know about you, but I do believe that there is such a thing as too much family. All it takes is a wedding and/or a funeral to see your family for who they really are.My family had so many strikes against it from the get go, it is a wonder that we are walking talking humans. My father is a workaholic psychiatrist, who is on his third marriage. Nuf said. His second marriage was to my wonderful mother, and really she is the reason that any of us amounted to anything. But alas, she recently lost her battle to breast cancer in August.

So, what inspires this message-yes, her funeral.For the first time in years, my siblings were brought together during her illness, and when we laid her to rest, we all had to be sitting in the same room. This was the first time in a long while. So, who was sitting there-My oldest brother-He is a 50 year old man with an IQ that is off the charts , but works for an automobile warranty company. It should also be noted that the most important relationship in his life if with his therapist-this also has a history of about 15 years. Yes, the typical brilliant person who over-thinks and over-emotes everything.

Next, my younger sister, who is a 39 year old single woman, desperately looking for love. She moved back in with my mother two years ago, after breaking up with her father-figure boyfriend of 9 years and after trying to live our older sister's life, who died 17 years ago, prematurely of natural, unknown causes. She never lifted a finger to care for my mother until 6 weeks before she died. Perhaps, getting to live in my mother's house rent-free until it sells had something to do with that about-face, but to be fair her previous inability to care for my mother was probably more related to inability to cope with anything that requires true strength of character.

Lastly, my younger brother, a fantastic surgeon, married to another doctor with 2 girls and a new baby boy. He is normal for the most part, but so busy taking care of his practice and his family that he does not have much time for sibling relations.

It may sound like I am labeling my siblings and/or judging, but we are all at fault in that category. They have some interesting ideas about me, as well, but really none of us really know one another, as we all live very different lives. I love each of them and really do wish we were put together in such a way to be friends, but alas this is not the case.

So, there we sat with really only one thing that we all have in common-the extraordinary woman who was our mother and the glue that held our family together. That is one thing that we can all agree on. Again, the rest of it is, well, questionable. There was one thing we all knew and that was that Mama had left everything to us equally. So, as the family attorney sat across from us and said that my older brother, whom had coined the saying "there such a thing as too much family," was the executor of the estate, my baby brother and I made eye contact that spoke volumes to one another. At the same time, my sister looked at my older brother probably also exchanging such a look, but trying to hide the sheer delight in that knowledge-why, you say? Well, she could play my older brother like a fine fiddle, and control the whole estate, while the two most pragmatic siblings sat by to watch the fiasco. But did I say anything, no-did my younger brother-no, why-because Mama would not have wanted us to rock the boat or cause a scene. We all knew little sis would lose her mind, creating such an unsightly scene that our mother's good name would be called into question. So, being the children of a true Steel Magnolia, we held our breath until we laid our sweet mother to rest.

All the while, we were waiting for the other shoe to drop and honey, when my sister dropped it, she would launch her Prada black pump like a missile. Unfortunately, I often found myself the target. Why-because little sis always avoids the truth, oh yes, and reason. So, as I represent that, I am the bulls-eye.

She held it together just long enough to get back to my younger brother's house, where my mother had spent her last days, and where we had all been so graciously given unrestricted invitations for the last 7 weeks of my mother's life. It was then I asked what I could do to help before I left to go home. I got this look-you know the sour lemon look ( the same look you get when you suck on a lemon). My little brother elaborated that he wanted to go over to the house and get some furniture, while he had the time. Well, that was all it took-the real venom was spewed, just like a spitting cobra. So, in response to her attack, I couldn't stop myself and I said simply, "let's not do this."

Apparently, that was all it took for the neon bulls-eye to light up on my forehead. I am not sure what exactly happened next, because of the impact from her Prada pump, but all I know is my sister was transformed into Marilyn Monroe. She was storming out of my brother's house on the points of her pumps. My brothers and I were left standing in the what was left of the vortex known as my sister.

And now, as I try to navigate this slippery slope that involves dealing with my siblings, I am simply fascinated by how different we are, and yet all agree that our mother was the most extraordinary woman on the planet. Maybe that is the most extraordinary thing about her, that she managed to express her unconditional love to each one of us, and then act as the glue that kept us together, despite our differences.

Because of my profession, I can appreciate this on so many levels, but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to make it work. Well, actually I can, but she is not here anymore. So, right now, I am wishing for one thing-a phone line to heaven. You know like 1-800-Heaven, Ext. My Mama. Does anyone know what telephone company offers this? I am ready to sign up right now, no questions asked. This is a testimony to the fact there are just some things only a mother can do for us. That is why this has been the most devastating loss of my life, and that, my dear, is an understatement!

Divine Intervention and Things that go Bump in the Night

2009-01-03T17:53:00.001-05:00

I just find it fascinating how God gives us messages. I took the bait again yesterday from someone I guess I would call my enemy and someone I have been pondering in my recent writings on this blog. Then, I got an email from my maternal aunt. She had recently visited my grandparents’ graves, where my maternal uncle also had his ashes placed. When he had died, my mother and my aunt placed his ashes with his parents, and had a small memorial stone made for him. My aunt found this stone to be missing and wanted to contact the church where the cemetery was located. She was unable to pull up their newsletter with their contact information on their website, so she asked me to try. I did as she requested and below is what I read and copied to this blog from my grandparents’ former church. Now, if that is not Divine intervention, than I would be interested in knowing your explanation!

FAIRFIELD PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH
15906 NW CR225 (PO Box 834)
Fairfield, FL 32634
On the WEB at http://www.fairfieldpc.us/

LOVING OUR ENEMIES
It has been a year since Charles Carl Roberts tied up and shot 10 Amish schoolgirls aged 6 to 14 in their classroom at Nickel Mines, PA, before turning the gun on himself. We were astounded at the response of the community: praying for the murderer and his family. And this week, more astounding news: the Amish are sharing money with the widow of the gunman.

The Amish, descendants of Swiss-German settlers, are known as “plain folk” and drive those horse-drawn buggies and living without the use of T-V, telephones, and most of the things we take for granted. But the thing which is most distinctive about them is their faith – placing particular importance in the principle of forgiveness.

A few weeks ago I addressed the Marion County Genealogical Society on the occasion of the 250th anniversary of the Hochstetler Massacre. My ancestor was taken into captivity, along with his two oldest sons, by the Delaware Indians. The wife and two small children were slaughtered and scalped.

This tragedy could have been averted. Jacob and his sons were crack shots with their rifles and they had plenty of ammunition for hunting. But the father forbade their taking human life, even to save the lives of their family members!

The captives were moved from place to place, as far away as Detroit, and separated. Jacob escaped after three years and reestablished his home in Berks County, PA. Chris, the youngest son, was adopted and lived as an Indian until the Governor of Pennsylvania negotiated the release of all whites in captivity.

After seven years an Indian warrior came to the Hochstetler home and was welcomed. He took a meal outside and ate alone in native fashion. When Jacob came out to converse with him he heard these startling words from the mouth of the Indian: “I be Chris Hochstetler.”

Imagine the joyful reunion! It took quite a while, but gradually Chris adapted to the manner of life in which he had been raised – and established his own family.

Genealogy helps us discover our roots. In my case I am aware that I have inherited not only the peaceful forgiving spirit of the Amish Brethren but also the feisty nature of the Scotch Irish. This curious blend affects the way in which I seek to bridge the gap between people of different faiths and temperaments.

We do have choices in life. In the stories retold above, we can choose to be angry and revengeful, or peaceful and forgiving. The former path is one of continuous battle, like the Hatfields and McCoys, or the Israelis and Palestinians. The latter course leads ultimately to community.

It ain’t easy! But Jesus didn’t trod an easy path. And for those who follow Him, we know there will be hurt and heartbreak – but, ultimately, peace.

Rev. Dale Stewart

If You Are Always Right, You Are Definitely Wrong!

2009-01-02T22:47:00.001-05:00

The title about says it all. Have you ever dealt with someone who thinks they have all the answers and that if you don't see it their way, than you are BAD, not just wrong, but not good. I seem to run into these folks all the time. I find them fascinating on one level and on another just down right aggravating. I mean it must be really wonderful to go through this life thinking you have all the answers, even for folks you don't even know, but these folks are a nightmare to deal with especially if you don't share all of their beliefs.

I hope I never become so narcississtic that I believe I have it all figured out. If that day comes for me, I hope the next day is the last. I am passionate about life, and about people, and the only way to grow and learn is to have an open mind, compassion, and yes, a sense of adventure.

Of course, I have a basic set of rules, or guidelines-the Golden Rule, if you will. I am not talking about going through life with no responsibility, but I am talking about trying to walk in other folks' shoes. You know, my sister's shoes don't fit me, and they would hurt my feet terribly, but I love just about every pair she has. Now, I could run out and buy a copy of them in my size, but I guarantee you they would not "fit" me. Still, like I said, I am just tickled pink when I see her wear them, and I just love that she can pull them off.

Is someone wrong, just because they don't do it your way? Are you quick to respond to folks in a negative way assuming they are lazy, incompetent, and insecure, because they don't see things your way? Do you find yourself displeased with everyone in your path? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I encourage you to take a long hard look at yourself. If you are a leader, I would suggest you get out of the leadership business, because you don't know how to inspire anyone and you don't have the ability to help anyone grow or expand anyone's character.

When I was actively working in private practice as a psychiatric social worker and doing counseling, I would often sit in the secretary's office before seeing a new patient. There I could see the waiting room and observe a new patient fill out their paperwork without them necessarily knowing I was observing them. If the person was not nervous, and seemed to be totally at ease, I knew that they were going to be resistant to treatment, and have difficulty gaining insight into their issues. On the other hand, if they fidgeted, needed to borrow the white-out to finish their paperwork, and kept watching the clock, that patient was ready to explore their issues and solve whatever problem that they had.

It makes sense-What normal person would be completely comfortable in a psychiatric practice for their first visit? I would alway tell my support staff-"the folks that seem the most normal are the ones that have the biggest secrets and the worst insecurities." So, if you think that you are always right, I have to warn you that you are most definitely wrong.

From Deadly Viper Character Assassins-"People of the Second Chance"

2008-12-28T20:50:00.001-05:00

I copied all the text in red from The Deadly Viper Character Assassins Blog (http://www.deadlyviper.org/). What is surprising is how I came to find this site-the man I talked about in my blog entitled, "The God Card," mentioned this site. Check out the site-these folks describe themselves as:

"Deadly Viper is an initiative dedicated to beginning a strategic conversation on the issues of radical integrity and radical grace. Our focus is to develop leaders who will have intentional, transparent, and honest conversations about key character issues."

GIVE, RECEIVE, AND BE THE SECOND CHANCE:

The People of the Second Chance is a community of individuals who advocate radical grace and second chances. We champion lost causes and think that a second chance is a human right.

People of the Second chance have 3 core values:

1. People of the Second Chance are individuals who are fast to forgive. In a culture that believes in revenge and payback, we rebel with grace.

2. People of the Second Chance receive second chances in their own life. When we have experienced personal, professional, or relational failure, we refuse to be defined by our mistakes. We learn, we grow, and we have the courage to move on.

3. People of the Second Chance serve in places where people need second chances. We advocate for the vulnerable and fight for equality for the poor, the prisoner, and the voiceless.

These three values can be simply summed up by: Give, Receive & Be the Second Chance.

All I can say is this is just another validation that the man who betrayed us does not practice what he preaches. Talk about a poser-He must be spending hours scrubbing the guilt off his soul-or not. Probably not, because he is not who he pretends to be, so he probably has no guilt. Oh yeah, he slept like a baby. However, this is also why he was the master of playing, "The God Card." Again, I am still finding all kinds of positive coming out of this journey. It is definitely all about second chances.

Dan Fogelberg

2008-12-27T14:43:00.001-05:00

I was searching blog profiles using Dan Fogelberg as the means of finding blogs I might have some interest in reading. I found a few like-minded folks. Once again, he came through for me.

I never met Mr. Fogelberg, but I might as well have. He ended up being my best-friend more than once. I saw him for the first time in concert when I was 14 years old. 3rd row front and center. It was awe inspiring. Even then, I knew how eloquent his words were, and how much I would turn to him when I needed comfort. There were other things I didn't know-couldn't have known, but he got me through much of this, too.

My older sister was the one who introduced me to him and remember hearing the music and wearing out the albums. I would listen in a darkened room, through headphones hours on end and I would enter into a world of peace and understanding. This was an absolute blessing for a 12 year old girl who was struggling with growing up and who has a very diminshed self-esteem.

I went on to learn how to play guitar, because of him. This led to a local music career that brought me a sense of accomplishment, and brought me out of my shell. I began writing and singing and had my own successes that would not have been possible without Mr. Fogelberg's music.

I will share more about his influences when I have more time. I have been so saddened by his death-just another person in my life that I have lost to cancer. I am glad that his music still runs all through my life.

The God Card

2008-12-24T11:25:00.001-05:00

The last few days have been such a growing experience. It is interesting that a person who has brought so much pain into your life can serve as a reminder of what to be thankful for, of the presence of God your life.

I have always been fascinated by people and how they have come to be who they are. How does a child who is abused grow into a strong, productive, independent person, and another child raised in similar circumstances become the abuser? Even though I know that folks are shaped by their experience, what makes one person grow from something negative, and another succumb to evil?

What is even harder for me is a person who claims to be a Christian, but judges others. In that judgement, somehow they lose sight of the true message of Christ. They are looking for failures in the faith of others and are very quick to point out where others are less than pure. Doesn't that negate the very teachings of Christ?

When I think of Christ, I think of love, compassion, and acceptance. I used to work for my church and I remember a discussion about the homeless coming in off the street and stealing from the church, as well as, just plain scaring some of us. Some were actually just coming in to get warm, but still we were wary, because of the history of stealing, addiction, and crime that often followed these folks. We were making a plan on how to deal with this and someone said we should turn them all away. This person was expressing concern for the church members, and the safety of our children. This person also pointed out that these folks often sought out clergy for money etc and took away precious time that could be utilized for church members and business.

At first we all agreed and then our senior most clergy member reminded us of our mission. He said, " Can you think of any person that Christ would turn away?" Silence followed, and then we made a compassionate plan that still protected us all from the reality of this world, but also allowed us to maintain our Christian mission. We have someone available to deal with each one compassionately and provide them with information on how to make use of area resources and charities. We do maintain boundaries and limitations, but we do not turn them away.

I will be the first to say, I am challenged everyday by my desire to live my faith and really try to understand and do what Jesus would do. However, I have never once thought I had all the answers, and because of that and the vastness of God, I will not judge or grade anyone on their faith. I really think that is God's job. I have said that I don't have all the answers-heck, I don't even know what the questions are half the time.

So, that brings me back to the person who inspired this discussion. This was a person who calls himself a Christian, and he truly believes that he is trying to live his faith, but he is also the person who betrayed my family. He had the opportunity to deal with a situation in a compassionate, Christian manner, and because of his expressions of faith, it would have never occurred to us that he would have done anything differently. This action was primarily directed at my husband, but it affected me and my children. It was truly the most betrayed and attacked that I have ever felt in my life, and this from a person who calls himself, a Christian, a believer, a transformer.

What is even more mind-boggling is that he had the opportunity to right it, and he chose yet again to hurt us again, even after we pointed out the hypocrisy of his behavior. In fact, he still remains warm and fuzzy with own self-righteousness and continues to manipulate others into trusting him, using what I call as the God card (using your alleged faith in God to gain someones trust and/or for personal gain). You know I think he deludes himself with his own rhetoric.

He made his pride, yes pride, in his betrayal known to us again, even commenting that he slept like a baby in spite of causing us so much pain, in response to a confrontation of his dualism that I made. What he didn't know is that my ultimate response to all this has been an overwhelming sense of Peace-the kind of peace that comes only from prayer and the presence of God. I never thought I would be able to forgive him, but I did and not only that, I know without a shadow of doubt that God had taken us out of this man's so-called Christian realm and back onto our true path. Our luck completely changed, and what could have had long reaching effects was over in about 3 weeks. Any doubt that this man created was gone, and we were validated in our faith. I thought Christmas was going to be a nightmare, but this has been the most divine Advent and Christmas season I have ever known.

So, I am thankful to a man who betrayed me, because his actions brought me closer to God. Talk about the mystery of God!